... Vinyl sounds zero like the real thing, unless the "real thing" reference is the vinyl (a distinct possibility!)....
That is simply absurd. If playing a vinyl record sounded nothing like ("zero" like) the real thing, then we would not be able to tell that we were listening to a recording of a piano being played, let alone the type of piano, or that it was a Beethoven sonata and not some dog barking. And yet, many people listen to good vinyl systems and think to themselves "wow", this is amazing. Do they think they are listening to a popcorn machine or something, or are they hearing something even more alien?
How could Mike sell any turntables to anyone if vinyl actually sounded zero like the real thing? He could sell them coffee machines which also sound nothing like real instruments and voices. For an objective, fact-based, measurement verification kind of guy, you are not being very accurate with your statements.